Tidbits

As I speak, the first snow of the year has descended upon us. What a wonderful feeling it is to look through the glass window and see that we are being sprinkled and covered with white. The sense of serenity fills my heart even though this week has been a rough week for me. As I previously mentioned, there seems to be a time during winter where I just feel completely lost about myself, my identity, and my being. I stand here thinking about not just my being for this one week but rather for the past 3 years.

Since graduating from college, I have worked to make sure that I can support my family financially. I have no complaints about it because I know that this some what parts of my responsibility. Though I do get confused when others tell me that it is not my responsibility and that I should not be taken advantage of, but yet I think of the 21 years that my parents took care of me and supported me financially. Regardless, even though many may look at me and think that I am a push-over in this area, but I believe what I am doing is the right thing. But when survival in the world crosses with faith, I often find myself lost and confused.

This week I got in touch with my mission teammate from summer 2000. Had it not been for that one summer, my life would change dramatically and relationships would be broken. My teammate is pursuing his Masters’ degree in philosophy and later on PhD. He will be going to seminary when God’s timing is right. I look at people with big dreams and a great desire to be used by God. I remember there was once that I had that desire as well but over the past 3 years that desire kind of just faded like a lonesome light in the mist of darkness. Sometimes a feeing of despair falls upon me because I am constantly changing my mind on things and never fully carrying through with them.

Reflecting. I look at the past way too much then I should and I am too often changing because of other people; especially those who are important and close to me. I want to fix that broken relationship with God because I am worried about what other people thinks than what God thinks. I have A LONG WAY to go but I no longer want to be slave to my body and sin but rather to be slave of Christ.

1 Corinthians 7:22 - For he who was called in the Lord as a slave is a freedman of the Lord. Likewise he who was free when called is a slave of Christ.